• 25 Oct, 2024
• Dr. Ayesha Suneja-Seymour

From Trauma to Triumph: Dr. Ayesha on Mindfulness, Healing, and Post-Traumatic Growth

Life can throw punches. Sometimes, these punches leave us feeling overwhelmed and alone. But what if there was a way to not just survive these experiences but grow from them? Dr. Ayesha Suneja-Seymour, a bridge between Eastern and Western philosophies, shares her powerful journey of healing from trauma through mindfulness. Discover how to transform pain into purpose, find meaning in adversity, and cultivate a life of peace and resilience.

Magazica: Dear readers, today a remarkable individual joins us who has dedicated her life to helping others find peace and meaning. Our guest, Dr. Ayesha Suneja-Seymour, started her journey as an immigrant in Canada. She was exposed to the transformative power of Eastern philosophies like yoga, meditation, and holistic healing programs at a very young age. This early exposure ignited a passion for understanding the human mind and alleviating suffering. After moving to the West, she pursued a rigorous academic path, earning degrees in psychology, counseling, and ultimately a PhD in clinical psychology. This pursuit was driven by a deep desire to understand her struggles, find meaning in her life, and help others deal with insecurities and anxieties, developing effective tools for healing. We are honored and excited to invite Dr. Ayesha to our podcast today. Dr. Ayesha, welcome.

Dr. Ayesha: Thank you so much for such a beautiful introduction. It was heartfelt. I am honored to be here. Thank you.

Magazica: Let’s start with how your early exposure to Eastern philosophies like yoga and meditation influenced your journey into clinical psychology. You are essentially a living bridge between Eastern and Western epistemologies. Please share your thoughts.

Dr. Ayesha: Thank you. I love the idea of being a bridge. Talking to you has made me excited to share my experience with meditation and mindfulness. Growing up in Canada and visiting India often, my parents were adamant about us holding on to our culture. I was five when we moved here, and some of my earliest memories involve my great-grandmother teaching me through experiences rather than words. For example, she would tear her roti in half and ask me to feed the birds, teaching me the importance of giving and service. These experiences were woven into my childhood, instilling values of love, compassion, and kindness.

Magazica: I never thought of it that way. Karma is such a common word in both the East and West these days. It’s interesting that you say it’s not just the action, but also the intention behind the action that is a big part of Karma. It gives you a sense of responsibility because our thoughts produce actions, so intention shapes our thoughts.

Dr. Ayesha: Exactly. The thoughts are the seeds, and the actions or behaviors are the tree that grows from those seeds. The intention is crucial.

Magazica: Such a powerful story you shared about your grandmother. After coming to the West, you mentioned that shifting from one lifestyle to another is always challenging and full of anxieties and insecurities. How did these experiences shape your understanding of trauma and healing?

Dr. Ayesha: Thank you. It was challenging to go from one culture to another. I felt like I wasn’t accepted in either. Believing these thoughts created a lot of pain and suffering in my life. For example, when I visited India, my accent and Hindi weren’t perfect, and my relatives would say I was Canadian. I wanted to belong, but I didn’t fit in. In Canada, my appearance and behavior were different, and my parents were strict, so I felt othered in school. I learned that fitting in is different from belonging. Fitting in means changing yourself to be accepted, while belonging means being true to yourself and being accepted for who you are. I didn’t know much about belonging and felt rejected everywhere. This narrative of not belonging became a self-fulfilling prophecy.

When we talk about trauma, it’s often seen as an incredibly painful experience, but it can also be an overwhelming emotional experience where we feel alone. In the US, one in five adults have experienced sexual abuse, which is a form of trauma.

It’s more common for women than men. One in four adults have experienced some sort of physical abuse. Many people have been through sexual or physical abuse, bullying, unkind treatment, illnesses, divorce, or disconnection from others. Trauma shows up in many ways. For me, the definition of trauma is an overwhelming experience in which you are alone. I had many experiences growing up where I felt alone, othered, and not good enough. This led to abusive experiences as a teenager and young woman, setting me on a path to understand where I went wrong and find meaning in my life.

When we look at people who’ve been through trauma, we can separate them into two groups. One group experiences deep depression, anxiety, and post-traumatic stress, leading to a lifetime of pain and suffering. The other group experiences post-traumatic growth. What separates these two groups is meaning. The group that gives their life and adversities meaning has healthier outcomes. The group that doesn’t give it meaning sees everything as random and often remains in victim mode. I was in victim mode for a long time because I couldn’t give my life or pain meaning. When I went back to school, I found meaning in my experiences, allowing me to have compassion for others who have suffered.

Magazica: I’ve never heard this simplified yet meaningful definition of trauma as an overwhelming experience when you are alone. I’ve heard about PTSD many times, but never post-traumatic growth. When you relate this concept to meaning, it reminds me of “Man’s Search for Meaning.” That person experienced post-traumatic growth by finding meaning in a concentration camp, turning outside trauma into a measure of growth.

Dr. Ayesha: Exactly. What you said is so true and beautifully said. I couldn’t agree more.

Magazica: So, you mentioned that the difference between these two groups is meaning. Human beings are in search of meaning. Finally, I get a one-line snippet of the whole book. Thank you for that. I read it often, but I never thought of it like that. Post-traumatic growth is such a powerful phrase. I’m taking notes. What led you to return to your roots and incorporate mindfulness in your life?

I tried different forms of therapy, which are all useful, but trauma affects our brain. The amygdala and limbic system become highly activated, while the prefrontal cortex, responsible for emotional regulation, is less active. I felt hijacked by my anger and fear. Therapy added more thoughts to my already active mind. It was only mindfulness that helped me drop out of this mental activity and become an observer. I noticed that my mind was troubled, but it was just one part of me. There was also a quiet, open awareness.

When people would tell me to go within, I would get so angry. I didn’t understand what “within” meant. Talking about mindfulness is like talking about swimming. It’s very different from actually getting in the water and feeling the waves. My understanding of mindfulness and the experience of mindfulness were very different. Once I experienced it, I couldn’t unsee it. That started my journey of clarity and understanding who I am.

Magazica: You explained it beautifully. How does mindfulness help in observing thoughts and emotions without judgment, and how is it different from other therapeutic approaches in addressing trauma?

Dr. Ayesha: The mind’s job, the ego’s job, is to judge. Its entire job is to survive and keep us safe, so it has to be vigilant and judge everything. But there’s a part of me that doesn’t have a body, form, role, gender, or age. That part doesn’t have preferences, clinging, aversion, or suffering. It’s simply here to witness and allow all things to be. If that is me, then there is no judgment, just spaciousness and space to allow all experiences to be.

Magazica: I’m trying to relate to so many connecting dots. I recently listened to a podcast where the speaker said to think about life as a sport. You can participate, invest, score, win, or be defeated. But what if you withdraw yourself from the sport and sit in the gallery? Have popcorn, watch the sky, watch the green field, see the people playing. You realize it’s a good game, but you’re just the witness. You respect the players and the game, enjoy watching, but you’re not playing. You’re the witness, knowing who scored and who was defeated, but you’re in the gallery, not on the field.

Dr. Ayesha: So beautifully said.

Magazica: Traditional therapies like CBT and classical conditioning are like quick fixes, addressing problems on the surface. But beneath the surface, what’s the current, the situation, the flow of the water? Let’s have a deep dive. Understanding your emotions without judgment is like snorkeling, seeing the coral reef, sharks, jellyfish, and the beautiful blue darkness. It’s fascinating the way you presented it. I’m enjoying every bit of the conversation and taking a huge amount of notes.

Dr. Ayesha: Thank you for sharing that experience of what’s underneath the ocean. Many of us spend our entire lives never stepping foot in the water, never going underneath and seeing the whole world down there.

Magazica: The first time I went snorkeling around the coral reef, I was with an instructor. After half an hour, I came out and couldn’t speak. I was continuously crying. My instructor, familiar with this reaction, asked what I felt. I said I felt like I was in a different universe. I could hear my heartbeat and see all those things. He said the magic line: you will find the same thing if you go deep within yourself.

Dr. Ayesha: Beautiful.

Magazica: There are beautiful corals and animals, but also sharks, barracudas, and octopuses that limit your swimming capability. You can sit by the coral reefs for hours and enjoy. You will see sharks and whales and learn a lot about life. Every time I go, it’s almost the same experience. Thank you for helping me relive that experience.

Dr. Ayesha: Thank you for sharing that. I’ve never explored undersea the way you have, so hearing your spiritual experience is enlightening. I’ve heard similar experiences from surfers and mountain climbers. When you let go of the past and future and are so present, you’re so alive. That’s the zone, the experience. You explained it beautifully.

Magazica: I think it is nature. Nature works like our mother. She takes our trauma, grief, and baggage, and lightens our load. You come to her heavy and leave light. Thank you for sharing that. Can you share a success story of mindfulness where you guided someone who was feeling low and helped them become a completely different person in their daily life?

Dr. Ayesha: Yes, I have a few stories. One involves a man I worked with in rehab. He had a very abusive childhood and used substances and alcohol to numb his pain. He was a successful CEO with thousands of employees but was very angry and reactive. The nurses at the rehab found him difficult to work with. He didn’t believe in mindfulness and wanted practical strategies. I asked him about his relationships, and we discussed his childhood experiences and the shame he felt.

I helped him recognize the experience in his body right before he got angry. This awareness allowed him to slow down and understand his reactions.

We continued to separate thoughts and feelings. Thoughts are just thoughts, like cars driving down the road. You can get away from other people who hurt you, but you can’t get away from yourself. If your experience inside is not safe, loving, and kind, you’re constantly in a traumatic survival response. The inner self-critic is the one beating you up, shaming you, and telling you you’re terrible and worthless. We faced that inner critic and created some space. We acknowledged that trauma causes the true self to freeze, and a protector part shows up, which is angry and aggressive. This protector part still thinks you’re a child and doesn’t realize you’re grown up. We talked to that part and asked it to back off a little.

As we did this mindfulness work, the outcome was significant. One day, he went to the nurse’s station and asked when they were going for a walk. The nurse, who was avoiding him, said they had already left and walked away. He followed her and said, “Okay, no problem. If they’ve gone, I’ll go to the gym and work out instead.” The nurse turned around, apologized, and took responsibility. He responded calmly, saying it was okay. After that day, I asked him if he felt weak or taken advantage of. He said he felt like the most powerful man on the planet because he was able to control his anger, the story, and his actions. He felt good about himself. In just a few weeks, he noticed that if he could control his thoughts, he didn’t need to control others, and things started positively changing for him.

Magazica: Such a beautiful story. I think many of us can relate to that because globally, situations are becoming restless in so many ways. We are feeling helplessness inside of us more often than in previous times. This story will resonate with our audience, readers, and listeners. We are very much at the end of the discussion, but I strongly feel we will have more discussions and sessions like this.

Dr. Ayesha: I would love that.

Magazica: I’m a firm believer in this because some conversations feel like we couldn’t extract all the gems from the person in one session. There are many opportunities for beautiful excavations. You mentioned on your website and in your blogs that pain is inevitable, but suffering is optional. Can you elaborate on this concept briefly and how mindfulness plays a role in this?

Dr. Ayesha: Absolutely, great question. Pain is inevitable. For example, if I wake up, get out of bed, and stub my toe, that is pain. It’s inevitable because we all experience pain in some form. However, every thought I create after that, like “I’m so stupid,” “I should have paid attention,” or “Why did this happen to me?” is suffering, and that is optional. We have complete control over that.

When I worked at the rehab, I would experience the same critical mind after a workshop. I would stop that with three things: touch, a tone of kindness, and words that my younger self needed to hear. For example, I would hold myself, use a kind tone, and say, “Sweetie, you’re okay.” This interrupted the self-critical talk. The way our parents speak to us, especially when we make a mistake, is the way we speak to ourselves when we make a mistake. That inner dialogue had to be disrupted, and mindfulness is the way. It took me years to speak to myself kindly, but through mindfulness, I was able to notice, catch, and stop the self-criticism in the moment. Pain is going to happen, but how long and to what degree you suffer is 100% in your control.

Magazica: Lastly, for our readers, can you share some practical, mindful exercises or techniques that can help them in their daily lives? Not everyone has access to an expert like you. What are some small, easy mindfulness practices that can lead to a healing journey?

Dr. Ayesha: Yes, absolutely. The first one you mentioned already, is nature. When we are in nature, we are in our truest nature. We can access our true nature much faster when we are observing a sunset or climbing a mountain. There’s a saying I love: “I’d rather be in a fishing boat thinking about God than in church thinking about fishing.” Get yourself into nature because there’s so much spirit and mindfulness there. Everything in nature has an ecosystem, and everything works without trying. Flowers just bloom; their true nature is expressed beautifully.

Secondly, when I didn’t have time to meditate or reflect, I noticed that when my mind is ruminating, it’s because I’m holding on to stress in my body. If you’re ruminating, thinking about the past or future, notice your shoulders, arms, and legs. Relax your shoulders. Your mind is trying to solve the anxiety and stress in your body. By releasing that stress, your mind gets quiet.

Another technique is focusing on your breath. If you’re not able to breathe from the diaphragm when you’re anxious or sad, lie down. You’ll breathe deeper from your belly when you lie down. Deep breathing sends a signal to your brain that there’s no danger. Anxiety triggers the same physiological response as fear, but without any present danger. Deep breathing helps calm your mind.

Grounding is also important. Touch your hands, legs, and notice colors around you. When people talk about their problems, I ask them to focus on where they are right now. You’re sitting in a chair, in a comfortable room, with someone safe. All the pain is happening in the mind, but physically, you’re okay in this moment. This is the only moment we have.

Magazica: Such powerful strategies. Being in nature, relaxing tension points in the body, taking deeper breaths, lying down if possible, and grounding by touching yourself tenderly and noticing colors. These small practices can be very effective if done daily, helping to foster the healing process.

Dr. Ayesha: Exactly. One more thing to remember is to notice who’s noticing. This takes us back to the observer. Notice who’s noticing all these things. Go there, live there, even for one minute a day.

Magazica: That’s the age-old question: Who am I?

Dr. Ayesha: Yes.

Magazica: On that beautiful note, we have come to the end of this podcast. Thank you so much. This has been one of the deepest conversations I’ve had on this podcast channel.

Dr. Ayesha: That’s such a compliment coming from you! It was a pleasure speaking with you. The time just flew by. It was everything we think of when we think of mindfulness—losing yourself, being in awe, and experiencing everything wonderful. That was this experience for me. Thank you.

Magazica: Thank you very much. This is not the first and last time we’re talking. We will have more conversations on other aspects of mindfulness, healing, trauma, and the phrase I learned today: post-traumatic growth.

Dr. Ayesha: I would love that.

Magazica: It can be a topic for our next conversation with you.

Dr. Ayesha: I look forward to it. Thank you.

Magazica: Thank you very much.

Dr. Ayesha: Thank you.

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Keywords: Mindfulness; Trauma; Healing; Post-Traumatic Growth; Meditation