• 25 Aug, 2024
• Melanie Taylor

Navigating Mental Health: Breaking Down Stigma and Real Self-Care Strategies from Therapist Melanie Taylor

Melanie Taylor: Well, it’s been a long journey. I’ve been practicing social work now for about 15 years. What started me getting into social work was really, I had some interesting family dynamics growing up. That required me to be the unofficial social worker of my family at a very young age. Later that got me thinking that there must be other families and other individuals out there that are struggling and would benefit from some guidance from a social worker. So that’s where I started my journey. I didn’t graduate high school, but I went back, and I upgraded to get into the social work program. Thank you. Yes, it was very hard. Over time I got my diploma, first in social work, and then I eventually went on to get my bachelor’s degree in social work, and then I completed my master’s in social work in 2,023. So, it’s been a long journey, especially education-wise.

I’ve been working in the field pretty much as long as I’ve been in school for social work. My 1st job was at a group home for troubled youth who were involved in the justice system with mental health and addiction. It was very challenging but very rewarding. From there, I decided that I wanted to stick with the mental health population. It’s very near and dear to my heart. I just think that it impacts so many people regularly daily. I mean, the impacts can be quite serious. So that’s where I decided to spend my focus, on mental health and addiction. They often go hand in hand.

From there I started grinding out the years, the experience. I did a lot of frontline work, a lot of, you know, on the ground, dealing with some really challenging populations, some challenging issues. And from there I realized that I wanted to get more of an individual impact. So that’s when I decided I wanted to be a therapist. You know, before that I was always referring to therapists and referring out to those types of supports. And I was like, “Well, why am I doing this? I can do this. I want to do this.” So that’s when I went about my master’s, and I applied myself to that and I’ve been a therapist now for about 5 years.

I started my own company about a year ago. I was contracting out doing that, working with adults with mental health and addiction issues specifically around anxiety, depression, and trauma. I also have a special interest in men’s mental health. So, I’ve been spending some time on that issue as well.

I recently decided that I was going to branch out on my own and start my private practice. I am starting my private practice next week. I am opening next week. I’m very excited about that. I absolutely love what I do. I love the people that I work with, the population that I work with, and I wouldn’t change a thing.

Magazica: You just talked about men’s mental health and anxiety, addiction, and depression among men and adult males and everything, but so far, I remember I’m not opening that window again. So, you have worked also with YWCA.

Melanie Taylor: Yeah, I worked at the YWCA for a couple of years. I facilitated groups for men that were mandated for anger management. And then I was also the program supervisor for a Housing First program for women only that were impacted by mental health and addiction. I did that for a while as well.

Magazica: You have kind of seen a lot of dimensions regarding mental health and mental well-being or psychological well-being, can we say? What are the common misconceptions about mental health, or you can say male mental health, whatever you want to cover? And what is the misconception about therapy that you often encountered in your old career?

Melanie Taylor: I think the most common misconception I hear about mental health and mental illness is a lot of people still believe that mental health, and mental illness are the more serious or chronic illnesses. I often hear, “Oh, mental health means like schizophrenia,” or it means bipolar disorder, and oftentimes the most common mental health disorders, you know, depression, anxiety, PTSD, those are often overlooked or not considered a mental health concern.

So, I would say that’s the biggest misconception is that if someone is feeling depressed or quite anxious, they oftentimes don’t even know that that’s what they’re experiencing because they don’t think it’s a mental health issue.

I think the next thing besides that is, there’s still a lot of stigma around having a mental health concern. A lot of people still struggle with first identifying and sharing that with people and getting the help that they need because there is so much stigma still around it.

Men especially, are seen as weak if found with any mental health concerns. That means that they’re weak, they’re less of a man, they’re not strong enough. And all those types of thoughts and beliefs kind of go hand in hand with that. So, men in Canada, they’re only 30% of what makes up the population that receives support for mental health concerns.

Magazica: While I was listening to you, I just remembered one thing. Probably all of the boys heard it in their childhood that boys don’t cry.

Melanie Taylor: Yes.

Magazica: It’s still a thing. Yeah.

Magazica: It’s not a boy or a girl thing. It’s a human thing. It’s a kid thing.

Melanie Taylor: Absolutely.

Magazica: Okay, that leads to the third question. How, like whenever someone comes to you, or whenever you are talking to someone, how can someone recognize that they might benefit from therapy, even if they don’t have a diagnosed mental condition? How can one person understand or identify that at this point it would be very helpful to talk to a therapist?

Melanie Taylor: I’m a little bit biased. I believe everyone should be in therapy at some point in their lives. I think that it’s a beneficial tool. And what I’ll often say to people is, why wait? At some point in your life, you’re going to need that connection because the statistics with how you’re going to be either directly impacted or have a family member or friend that’s impacted by mental health or mental illness is staggering. At some point, it’s going to get tough. So why not make that connection now?

But a lot of people that do come to me, they’re coming to me because they’re almost at that point where it’s becoming too much. So, they wait a little too long. It’s starting to feel overwhelming. It’s starting to feel like they can’t manage or cope. Their level of functioning has gone down. And then that’s when they’re reaching out.

Does that answer the question? I really feel like everyone should kind of have that connection sooner rather than later. You don’t have to be in it forever for the rest of your life every day. But certainly having someone that you can pick up the phone and call and book an appointment with when it is getting tough, I think, is incredibly beneficial for everyone.

Magazica: Sometimes I think that people think that they need to fix themselves. It is not that. It is like taking advice from professionals, taking advice from experts. We always do that.

Melanie Taylor: Yes.

Magazica: We always do that. So why not about my inner self? But sometimes, our daily life is full of stress. It is full of anxieties. Sometimes we are pulled off here and there. It is overwhelming and everything. From your learned experience from your academic learning and from your practical experience, what are some pragmatic strategies that we can use to manage stress and anxiety in our daily lives?

Melanie Taylor: I think the first thing that I would say is first identify and acknowledge that you’re feeling stressed out, or you’re feeling overwhelmed, or you’re feeling anxious, or you’re feeling sad, whatever you may be feeling.

I think the tendency is for people to avoid or push it down or distract themselves from it, and that actually compounds the anxiety, stress, and worry. Eventually, what ends up happening is it bubbles up, and then we feel really overwhelmed, or we feel like we can’t manage.

What I would say is take it as it comes. Identify, “I’m feeling a little off today. I’m feeling stressed out. I’m feeling overwhelmed.” Feel it. Don’t engage in any avoidance or distracting behaviors. Just sit with it. “Okay, I’m feeling anxious. This is how I’m feeling right now.”

If you need to do some breathing exercises, do some breathing exercises. If you need to do some grounding techniques, there’s a ton of them. You can Google them. Do something to center yourself and bring yourself into the present moment to really feel what you’re feeling.

Emotions are like waves. They will go up and they will peak, but they will come down. So, having the faith that that will happen, right? “Okay, I’m feeling this way right now, but I won’t be as soon as this passes.”

If it’s not passing and it’s taking a really long time, then we would engage in some self-soothing, and that’s different for everybody. That could be going for a walk, putting on some music, or gardening. Then it’s okay to do those things to cope and manage with it as it comes. But my first suggestion is always you need to feel it.

Magazica: So far I get from the answer is that first, do not be in a state of denial, acknowledge it. Accept it. I’m having a tough day. I’m having an overwhelming day. I’m being pulled off in too many directions. Acknowledge it. Gather yourself together, and then find the coping mechanism.

Melanie Taylor: Yes.

Magazica: That’s the gist of it. So many of us do not even recognize, right? Like we do not even say that, “Okay, I’m in stress.”

Magazica: So true. Whenever we all have our loved ones, and if any of our loved ones are going through or dealing with trauma or addiction, how, as individuals who are non-experts, can we support that loved one with their trauma and addiction?

Melanie Taylor: I’m glad you asked that question because one of my areas of interest is supporting family members or friends of people who are dealing with exactly those issues. So, there are four things that I talk about when I talk to people about supporting someone through addiction or mental health.

The first thing is to take a compassionate stance, so really trying to find your empathy. This person is struggling. This is really difficult for them. Try to imagine the ways that it’s impacting that person and really try to connect with them on a compassionate level, a nonjudgmental, compassionate level. That’s the first thing.

The second thing is to really have boundaries, and this is the most challenging part that I’ve seen a lot of people struggle with when they are supporting someone with addiction or mental health. They will either overcompensate or help too much to the detriment of themselves, so their own mental health will start being impacted. Or they’ll either completely cut off and not have any contact or support that person anymore.

It’s really about finding the sweet spot with your boundaries. So what that means is being very clear about what you will and won’t do. For example, “I will take you grocery shopping if you need groceries, but I will not send you money.”

And then maintaining those boundaries. It’s one thing to set the boundary. It’s another thing to maintain it. So really hold your ground with that. Having those clear boundaries is going to be really important for someone who’s struggling with mental health or addiction.

The next thing is you really need to arm yourself with education. So what is this person struggling with? If it’s a mental illness, what is the mental illness? Try to understand it as best you can. What are some of the symptoms? What’s the best treatment? How can I support them? What are the best options here? Arm yourself with that education and knowledge. Knowledge is power.

And then the last thing, and this is often the most overlooked thing, is to get yourself some support because you’re going to need it. It’s really challenging to support someone who has a serious or persistent mental illness. And it’s really challenging to support someone who has a chronic addiction issue. You’re going to need someone in your corner. So, get yourself some support.

Magazica: Coming back to the individual. Self-care is a big concept these days. There are lots of YouTube videos and everything about self-care, but so many of those videos and so much of that content on social media are kind of fluffy. What do you think about that? What role does self-care play in mental health? And what are some simple self-care practices anyone can incorporate into their routine in their daily lives?

Melanie Taylor: So how I kind of explain self-care is, you’re absolutely right. A lot of people think self-care means taking a bubble bath practicing yoga or journaling. Those are the top three that I often hear when people think of self-care, and it’s really different for everyone. So there’s nothing that I’ll really be like, “Do this, try this.” What I usually say is, I explain it as like filling your cup. So if your cup is running empty and there’s nothing left to withdraw from the cup, then you need to start making deposits to the cup. You need to start filling that cup with things that bring you joy, make you feel happy, and bring you peace, and that’s different for everyone.

What I always say about self-care or filling that cup is, it doesn’t need to be expensive. It doesn’t need to take a really long time. It can be small acts that, like you said, you can do every day that are just for you. And that’s the biggest thing. Is it something that is just for you? Is it something that you’re doing for yourself because it brings you a sense of fulfillment, joy, or happiness? I’ll give you an example.

I have two kids and a lot of the time it can be hard to get time to myself. So my self-care through those really challenging years when they were really needy and they really needed a lot of my attention was, that I would lock the bathroom door, and I would spend 10 to 15 minutes just washing my face and doing my moisturizing routine for the end of the day. And that was my self-care, and I looked forward to that every day. It’s still something I continue to this day. So when I’m in there for 10 to 15 minutes, nobody bugs me. This is my time to myself. It’s my way of doing something for myself that I enjoy doing that makes me feel good.

So that’s just an example. It doesn’t have to be something that’s going to take an hour or a half an hour or anything like that. It can be as simple as taking five minutes to make yourself a cup of tea and really sitting down and enjoying that cup of tea in silence.

And like I said, I wish I could give you a list, but it’s different for everyone. It’s really about cultivating that and finding out for yourself what works best for you and what really adds to that cup.

Magazica: That’s exactly a very logical stance because every person is individualistic and every person is different. We are all unique. So obviously, we should not follow a cookie-cutter approach, or one size doesn’t fit all.

Melanie Taylor: No, absolutely not. I agree. Yeah, no, there’s no cookie-cutter. There’s no three things that I can recommend because it’s going to be different for everyone.

Magazica: Whenever I was listening to it, actually, that was my bother about listening to all those videos because they said, “Okay, do gratitude journaling. It will solve everything. Do that, and it will go for a walk.” No, I have a knee problem. I cannot walk. For me, rather relaxing is sitting in a chair. But maybe I’m planning for a marathon, so a short run would be better for me, not a walk.

Melanie Taylor: Yes.

Magazica: So that’s completely different. We are all unique. So we need to go beyond that. Relationships are one of the top talking points whenever I talk to any mental health advisor or mental health expert, or even the pharmacist who specializes in mental health and everything. What are some basic ideas on how to build and maintain a healthy relationship?

Melanie Taylor: Okay, yeah, for sure. I think the first thing is really communication. I think anyone will tell you that. Are you effectively communicating? And I don’t just mean verbally. There are other ways to communicate through intimacy, through what the love languages are. I’m not sure if you’re familiar with the love languages. There are five love languages. Are you communicating effectively with your love language through intimacy and through verbal communication?

That’s going to be a lot of the people that I see. That’s what’s going on. There’s a breakdown in some form of communication, and then that leads to needs not getting met, and then that can often lead to resentment, and then that can lead to separation or an end of the relationship. So if we can get to that communication point and figure out where the breakdown is, that’s going to be really important.

I think the next thing I would say that I often see is missing or is a piece that I work with individuals on, is vulnerability. There’s a real lack of vulnerability on one or both people’s part, that ability to really speak their truth, speak their heart, and speak what’s on their mind. Because they’re afraid. They’re afraid of rejection. They’re afraid that that person won’t understand. They’re afraid that that person will misunderstand. There’s just a lot of fear there. So there is no vulnerability.

So if we can get to a place where we feel emotionally safe, and we do have that emotional safety with our partners or with our friendships or with our family members, and we can bring in that vulnerability piece, that’s also going to have a huge impact on how your relationships are going.

Magazica: Emotional safety, the term that you said, is so true, because if any loved one, and it can be any relationship, even if the kid is not feeling emotionally safe with the parent, social media will replace the parent, and that is happening in so many cases.

Melanie Taylor: Yes.

Magazica: I have a son, and he’s just going into his teen years. You know how tough it is.

Melanie Taylor: Yeah.

Magazica: In my opinion, two T’s are troubling for kids: terrible two’s and terrible teens.

Melanie Taylor: Yeah, I would agree.

Magazica: So you were in this therapy, and you are talking with a group. Since then you have been helping people. You have been helping people on so many grounds, finding housing, and dealing with anger management issues. Whenever people are struggling with addictions and everything. So you have seen quite the ground in the therapy map of the geography of the therapy. So how has the field of therapy evolved over the years? Especially with the advent of technology? And in some cases, online therapy? We are doing it online these days, specifically after COVID. So how has this field of therapy evolved? Just to educate our readers, how is it going in that direction, in which direction it is going, and how it has evolved so far?

Melanie Taylor: I think my observation has been over the years, there’s really been a shift from what we call solution-focused therapy. So what’s the problem? Let’s fix it. Very surface level. And there’s nothing wrong with solution-focused therapy. I will do it too, depending on the person’s needs and what they’ve identified as their goals.

There’s now been a really big shift, in my opinion, in terms of getting to the deeper stuff. Getting to the trauma, identifying trauma, really processing the trauma, identifying the origins and roots of what’s going on. And I think that’s been a huge shift over the years. I think with COVID, obviously, a lot of things shifted online. So that has reached a lot more people. So there’s been more inclusivity that way. It’s been more accessible.

And then, I think what I’ve also observed is, there’s just so many different modalities now that you can be trained in, like emotion-focused, EMDR, ART. There are just so many different modalities and interventions out there. It’s almost hard to keep up from a therapist’s perspective. There’s just always training, and there’s always something to learn about. And there’s always… And that’s what I love about it. I wouldn’t change that. But that’s also something that I’ve really observed is, that there’s just so much now that can be offered, which is great.

Magazica: Solution-focused therapy, nice term.

Melanie Taylor: Yes, solution-focused therapy, like not just staying on the surface. Now it is going a bit deeper and everything.

Magazica: Fantastic. We are not fixing anything. We’re solving something.

Melanie Taylor: Exactly. Yeah.

Magazica: We are addressing the main issue.

Melanie Taylor: Yes.

Magazica: We have nothing to fix. It’s not a Band-aid approach. It’s the cure approach.

Melanie Taylor: Absolutely.

Magazica: Thank you. If someone is hesitant, thinking, “Oh, no, I’ll not go to the therapist, or I’ll not look for therapy,” sometimes people are hesitant. They do not feel they want to keep their vulnerability inside themselves. They don’t want to. They think that they will be exposed to an unknown person. There are so many issues sometimes. Whenever we are hesitant to go to therapy, what would be your advice to those people?

Melanie Taylor: My advice to them is to really interview and take it seriously. So a lot of therapists now will offer complimentary introduction calls where you can talk to them over the phone. You can have a Zoom session and just get to know them. You can ask all your questions. You can see if it’s a good fit.

I would take that seriously. I would find at least three that you want to meet with and have that conversation first and see if they’re a good fit. Because this is an important relationship that you’re starting out with here, and you want to make sure that it feels right.

So once you’ve made the decision to get into therapy, I would start interviewing, and you’re really the person making the decisions here. You’re calling the shots. So you have that power to decide who’s going to be the person for you. Who are you going to connect with?

I wouldn’t just recommend picking someone on the Internet and then just booking right in. I don’t recommend that. I will have people do that from time to time, and it’s worked out thankfully. But I always wonder. I’m like, you know, you should probably talk to me first and make sure this is a good fit because if it isn’t, then, you know, it’s kind of an expensive venture. Mentally and financially, right? You’re making an investment into that. So that would be my first thing that I would say to people is, to do the research. Meet with them first and make sure it’s a good fit before you start down that journey.

Magazica: We talk with a lot of corporate people, and we are also a startup. And it’s a completely chaotic work. You know this because you’re starting it and you have to wear so many hats in the day.

Melanie Taylor: Yes.

Magazica: At any given point in time, any kind of challenges will come from a totally unseen corner. So how can workplaces better support the mental health of their employees?

Melanie Taylor: Well, from what I’ve seen, I’ve seen it go both ways, right? In my experience, working in non-for-profit, but also working for the large corporation or company Alberta Health Services. I worked with them for several years, so I’ve seen it on both ends. My own personal experience is what you really need to do is you need to have opportunities to connect and debrief with your staff.

So that can be done through an HR representative. It could be through an employee and family assistance program. Make sure that there are opportunities for people to connect with professionals, to talk about what their experiences are and what they have been.

That would be my first thing. I think what also is really important, and I have seen larger corporations that have the budgets to do these things, is obviously bring in outside sources to kind of give presentations or offer workshops on mental health, on burnout, and really make burnout kind of an open conversation that’s happening all the time. So, “Hey, how are you feeling?” “I’m feeling pretty burnt out.” “Okay, well, let’s talk about that. How can we help with that? In what ways can we support you?”

And really supporting each other? Not just what I often see in large corporations is it’s the employee, and then their supervisor or boss. And it’s that dynamic that they’re relying on for support. I think we need to get more to a team picture. So how can the team support one another? Not just that dynamic between the boss and the employee. Make it a culture shift so as a team, we support one another. If one of our teammates is feeling more burnt out or overwhelmed, how can we, as a team, jump in and support them?

So really kind of taking away that individualistic approach and making it more about the team, the culture, the environment, I think, would be so important.

Magazica: I still remember, one of my HR professors who was teaching organizational development, used to always say, a team is: together each of us achieves more.”

Melanie Taylor: I love that. Yeah, absolutely. That’s so true.

Magazica: For that always has open conversations. So, whenever you’re saying that I said, it is so true. It is so true. And if we don’t do that, and another important, very important thing you mentioned, move from that power dynamics to team dynamics.

Melanie Taylor: Yes.

Magazica: This is so important, a cultural shift. And HR, we emphasize it so much that we have to do that and everything. Lastly, for our readers, just to educate themselves, is there any recommendation from you, any resources, any books, any apps, or anything, else so that they can have a beginner’s understanding of mental health? Any website you suggest or anything?

Melanie Taylor: There are so many books that I love and recommend to a lot of the people that I support. There’s a variety of topics. I would say, if it’s about trauma, and everyone has trauma to some degree. Let’s be honest. We’ve all experienced something that would fall under the definition of trauma. There’s this amazing book called “The Body Keeps the Score,” and that’s the first one that I always kind of recommend.

That’s an amazing book. And he’s got an amazing series of YouTube videos from the author. He talks about the book and trauma, and I always recommend, that if you don’t want to read the book, jump on YouTube and search up the author, and you’ll find some really great resources there.

Another one that I often recommend is from Brené Brown, and she’s kind of very pop culture right now, and I get that. But it’s one of her first books, and I absolutely love it. It’s very small, a quick read. It’s called “The Gifts of Imperfection,” and it really talks about finding your own value and seeing how your imperfections or shortcomings can be strengths, can actually bring value to the world and to yourself. And it’s really about vulnerability. I love the book. It’s so great. I recommend everyone read that one.

Those would be my two, and then in terms of addiction, there’s an author, a doctor that I often recommend. He’s one of the gurus that I follow when it comes to mental health. He has several books. His name is Gabor Maté. He has a new book out, “The Myth of Normal,” and it’s a wonderful book too. He’s also got some YouTube videos you can watch. He’s very well known, especially over… He’s just from Vancouver, actually, in Canada. Yeah, he’s amazing. So those would be the three books or resources that I would recommend that kind of touch on each of those issues that I see coming up.

Magazica: Fantastic. Our readers will love reading this article and they will be very, very happy. Those who are interested, will be going through the books. We can’t express how grateful we are. Thank you very much for your time.

Melanie Taylor: Oh, thank you very much for reaching out. I enjoyed this. Thank you.